Blog Post #4

Hello blog.................................. it has been approximately 300 days since we last talked. A lot has happened within those days that we can get into soon (trust I'm gonna be a better blogger), but for now, I think I want to write about being present. This is something that has been on my mind pretty heavily recently. As a college student, everyone is always thinking or talking about their future. The goal of college is literally to figure out and create what kind of future you want. As someone who isn't totally sure what her future consists of yet, it can be stressful to be in that environment sometimes. Where am I gonna go to grad school? Am I going to seminary? How do I know if I'm doing the right thing? Will I be able to get a job? All of these questions and more are in my brain all the time.  I also think that we put so much weight on the future that it botches our time in the present. Things happen, and then we don't even care about how it's affecting us in the now. We're just so worried about how it will affect our future, which is so valid, but also a lot of pressure we're putting on ourselves all the time. 

I think also being in a long-distance relationship (expect a blog on this) has also really put this into perspective for me. I'm learning how precious time with your people is in a way that I feel like I've taken advantage of for a while. When I do get to see boyf it can be hard for me to be in the moment because I'm so busy thinking about how little time we have before we have to be separate again. I’m realizing that worrying about the countdown doesn’t actually give me more time, it just steals the sweetness from the time I do have. So I’m trying to remind myself that being present is its own kind of care in all aspects and relationships in my life. Letting myself, the quiet moments, the hard moments, the laughter, all of it, without letting the future hover over every second. So I guess that’s where I’m at right now. I’m learning that the future is going to come whether I obsess over it or not, and honestly, I don’t want to miss the really good stuff happening right in front of me because I was too busy spiraling about things I can’t control yet. I want to show up for my own life a little more, even if I don’t have everything figured out. Love you all, talk so soon.